I've been wanting to do this all summer. And well, I need the pick me up so I'll share. It's lengthy and picture heavy so I put it behind the cut.
My top ten favorite funny lines and scenes
#10 You Need a Censor Button Episode # 9 Po'ipu
Steve and Danny talking about Nick Taylor in the hotel hallway.
Steve: You don't like him.
Danny: What gave it away?
Steve: You didn't like me at first.
Danny: Let me tell you something- I will never like that cheese ball.
Steve: Okay. I get you weren't built with a censor button but if we have to go to guns you're gonna be happy Nick's on our side.
#9 Doesn't Everyone have Grenades in the Glove Box? Episode #17 Powa Maka Moana
Steve and Danny in Big Lono's Pawn Shop.
Danny to Big Lono: You see what you did? I don't know what he's gonna do, but if I were you I would run, out the back, side, roof, go!"
Steve comes back in pawn shop.
Danny: A grenade, he has a grenade! Why do you have a grenade?! He's got a grenade! See this? See this? He is not bluffing! He will pull the pin, blow everybody up! You trust me please?
Big Lono: That things not real.
Steve: You gonna open the door?
Big Lono: Not a chance
Steve: Okay. (gets grenade ready) You sure? Okay. (Pulls pin, hangs on the door handle and runs after Danny as they get out of the store.
Danny: This is so sick!
Both duck outside before the grenade goes off.
Danny: Come on! What is wrong with you?! You need help! I will pay for it!
#8 What happens in Hoboken stays in Hoboken. Episode #13 Ke Kinohi
At Steve's house after he's been attacked and hit with a stun gun. Danny handing Steve a bag of ice.
Danny: Don't be a tough guy, all right? I've been popped with a stun gun before. Ice helps."
Kono: You've been stun gunned?"
Danny: Yes, I've been stunned- Hoboken, Halloween 02. Long story I don't want to tell you right now.
#7 It's My Benevolent Dictatorship Episode #24 Oia'i'o
Danny ranting at Steve about the wisdom of breaking into the governor's mansion.
Danny: Okay, let me just make a statement, okay? Out of the top ten dopiest suggestions you have ever made, this is #1 with a bullet!"
Chin Ho: What idea is that?
Danny: Oh, I'll tell you- he ah, wants to break into the governor's mansion.
Danny: All those who think that’s a certifiably demented idea, please raise your hand!" (Everyone but Jenna does and Danny points at her.)
Danny: Please! Raise your hand!
Jenna: I'm new, I didn't think I gotta vote.
Steve: You don't! The rest of you are forgetting that Five-O is not a democracy, it's a benevolent dictatorship. Got it?
#6 He's Pac-man in Cargo Pants. Ep #19 Na Me'e Laua Na Paio
Danny and Steve driving out to crime scene after meeting Agent Jenna Kaye.
Danny: Hey, this is the CIA you are dealing with here, okay? They wrote the book on advanced interrogation techniques- which I am absolutely positive you have sitting on your bedside table right now, okay? Just so you know, I understand, okay? I wouldn't mind a little one on one with Jenna Kaye- the thought does stimulate my imagination.
Steve: Legally the CIA can only interrogate foreign nationals.
Danny: Why do you do that? I had a whole fantasy going there. You're like a devourer of dreams, you know what I mean? You eat them. You're like a little Pac-man in cargo pants.
#5 Rumor has it, you two are married? Ep #4 Lanakila
Steve gets challenge to play basketball in the prison yard in order to get information.
Danny: Just so you know- the other guy putting the ball in the hoop is bad.
Steve: Danno, shut up, alright?
Danny: Just do me a favor, don't call me Danno, huh"
Prison Inmate: Hey, how long you two been married?
#4 Yes, I play Ms Pac-man Ep #5 Nalowale
Steve and Danny about to review security footage from a night club and talking about playing Ms Pac-Man
Steve: Ever make it to double pretzel level?
Danny: Triple banana, bitch.
Steve: You're lying.
#3 The Lunch Bag Conspiracy Ep #19 Na Me'e Laua Na Paio
Danny and Steve outside Five-O headquarters, Danny carrying a brown paper bag.
Steve: Did you, ah, stop for malasadas this morning?
Steve: What is it, evidence for a case or something?
Steve: Now just stop! Stop! What's in the bag, just what's in the bag?
Danny: It's my lunch, Genius.
Steve: Your lunch? Okay, whatcha bring?
Danny: You gotta know every last detail of my life? What's it to you what my lunch is?
Steve: Because you don't want me to tell me! What, you think it's so fantastic I'm gonna steal it? Fly in some deep fried sandwich from New Jersey I'm not allowed to know about?"
(Danny pulls a container of salad out and shakes it)
Danny: Stop, okay? It's a salad. That's it, nothing else in there. Just a salad, okay?
#2 How to Sound Like a Stripper 101 Ep #19 Na Me'e Lau Na Paio
Kono and Danny outside a strip club, trying to locate Johnny D using Kono's laptop.
Kono: I can switch Tiffany's cell and make it look like she's sending him a text.
Danny: Lure him in, I like it but move over please because I'm gonna do this because it's should be filthy and you're a young lady.
Kono: Okay, well it's all set up so whatever you send it's gonna look like it's from Tiffany's cell.
Danny: Got it. (Danny starts typing.) Hey stud…
Kono: That's not our lead in, is it?
Danny: What do you want? I'm trying to sound like a stripper!
Kono: Try harder.
(Danny types again)
Danny: If you are available- what? (Kono pushes him aside)
Kono: You are so bad, get outta here!
Danny: Well go ahead!
Kono: I'm embarrassed for you!
And my #1 favorite, from the pilot- Danny in full on rant after being shot.
When Should You Apologize? Ep #1 Pilot
Danny: In civilized society we have rules! It's the unspoken glue that separates us from jackals and hyenas, alright?
Steve: Jackals and hyenas?
Danny: Animal Planet! Whatever, okay?! The point is- Rule #1- you get somebody shot, YOU APOLOGIZE!
Danny: You don't wait for a special occasion-
Danny: Like birthdays, fricking Presidents Day-
Steve: Hey man I'm sorry! That's what I've been trying to tell you. Last year. when this conversation started.
Please feel free to chime in!