Fandom: Hawaii Five-O
Rating: Hard R/NC17
Disclaimer: The Hawaii Five-O characters do not belong to me- I simply like to play in their sandbox (or beach).
Summary: It's been a really crummy day for Danny.
Notes: HCat is my goddess who betas for me. I'd throw flowers and money at her if I could. And I'm sorting making this my gift to kare because I made a promise and I'm keeping my end of the bargin. And because like HCat, she's been incredibly supportive of this new obsession of mine.
Danny stood in the shower, letting the hot water run over him, hands flat against the tiles, head hanging. He was wrapped so tight he felt he could come apart any minute. He wanted to hit something… someone as the hurt and the anger of what happened washed over him again. He watched the blood mix with the water, swirling around the drain and he bit back the curse as he threw his head back and slammed his hand against the tiles.
The pain shot wild from fist to arm and he didn't care—damn it, he wanted it to hurt—he wanted to hurt.
It wasn't supposed to happen like this here, what everyone else called paradise. Guns, drugs, kids getting killed, fuck that's what happened in the dark alleys in Newark in the sleeting rain in February. Not here, not where everything was supposed to be sun, surf and sand—everybody's fucking idea of the perfect vacation destination.
But the sad fact was Honolulu had a seedy underside like every mainland city, it was just glossed over better.
That kid bleeding out on the sidewalk, looking at Danny with eyes gone all pupil. They were pinned in the alley, using the wall of the building as cover, but the kid got clipped when he bolted in a panic and now he was bleeding out fast and if they didn't do something—if Danny didn't do something…
Shouting at Steve to cover him, Danny ducked out just far enough to grab a handful of T-shirt and drag the kid back to cover, leaving a trail of blood. He'd been shot, high in the thigh, blood pumping out of the femoral artery. Danny stripped off his tie, lashed it around and above the wound and tightened it with everything he had even as the boy's eyes started to glaze.
He already knew it was too little too late but he had to try, goddamn it!
When it was over, Steve had to haul him back, practically dragging him to his feet. Furious and hurt, Danny lashed out at him, slamming him back against the wall. His hands, covered in blood, fisted in Steve's shirt as the other man stared at him in shock. Danny jerked away, yelling at Chin and Kono to get the hell back.
Shaking, he stood staring at the body. There was so much blood, dear God, like a lake. It was all over Danny's hands, soaked into his pants from where he knelt in it, smeared on his shoes and shirt. All from one stupid twelve year old kid who should have been surfing and chasing girls on the beach, not dealing in guns and drugs.
Steve hadn't been comfortable dropping Danny off at his apartment, so he brought him to his house instead.
"Damn, damn, damn it all to hell!" Danny slammed his fist into the wall again.
"Danny! For Godsakes, Danny, calm down!" Steve threw back the shower curtain, eyes wide. He'd stripped out of his shirt and boots, now only wearing those idiot cargos. He reached for Danny, confusion and sorrow in those dark eyes. "Danny—"
Danny wanted to hit him, wanted to rage at him because he hated when kids died, hated what it did to him inside. He slapped Steve's hand away, shouting at him to go to hell as he shoved himself back against the wall, hands fisted, muscles screaming at him.
"Oh no, you don't chase me off that easy!" Steve climbed right into the shower, pants and all. "You want to hit someone, Danny, is that what you need? Come on, take your best shot!" Steve spread his hands in the tight space but it was the understanding in his eyes that tore at Danny.
"Damn you!" He felt like something was tearing apart inside, leaving him defenseless and wide open. "Damn you! I don’t need this—I don't need YOU!" He twisted his hands in his hair as he slammed his head back against the tiles.
"So you gonna shut this out too? Like you do everything else? You think I'm stupid, that I don't see what you do all the time?" Steve grabbed at his wrists, pinning them above Danny's head as he full body pressed him to the wall, the shower water spilling over both of them. "You've got more than Grace who cares about you!"
"Fuck you!" Danny fought against him, his chest so tight he struggled to breathe.
"Yeah, well, I've been waiting on that since you punched me months ago! But you're too damn afraid and yeah, I blame Rachel for that because damn it, Danny—I've been trying to get you to understand, to fucking trust me just once!"
"Back off, McGarrett or I swear to God, I'll put you down!"
"Go ahead, Danny! Otherwise I'm not letting go until you get it through that head of yours that I care about you!" Steve switched his grip so that he kept Danny's wrists pinned with just one hand now. "I don't want to see you hurting anymore, but you never let me in."
Everything felt like it was shattering inside. He didn't want to do this, didn't want to trust, to take the chance only to have it all go horribly wrong again. He wasn't past what happened with Rachel, wasn't sure he ever could be. He hadn't been oblivious to Steve's advances—he'd just been downright terrified.
There was too much that could go wrong and Danny knew he couldn't survive it if it did, not a second time. He barely had the first time.
"What are you so afraid of?" Steve slid his free hand down Danny's side to his hip, leaving in its wake a trail of heat that made Danny shake. "What do you need? You need to hurt someone right now? Hurt me, do your worst, Danny, because I'm not going anywhere until we settle this."
"You don't understand, damn you—"
"Then explain it to me, show me!"
Steve stroked his thumb over the skin on Danny's hip. It was such a simple touch and yet it lit up every nerve in Danny's body, making him twitch and shift against the other man.
"What's it gonna take, Danny? What's it gonna be that finally gets you to just let go and trust enough that I'll catch you?"
Danny closed his eyes, shaking his head as he swallowed against the sob in his throat. It wasn’t that he didn't want this, didn't want Steve because he did. He ached to be with this man, fantasized about him, jerked off too many times to count thinking about him—but it couldn't be more than that.
Rachel walked away from him, he couldn't trust Steve not to do the same at some point, could he?
He could feel Steve's breath against his face as he shook his head again. "No promises," he whispered.
Danny opened his eyes and stared at Steve who was only inches from his face, water dripping from his hair and beading on his dark lashes. His eyes were an impossible slate blue, wide and filled with a mixture of hope and confusion. There was something else there too but Danny wasn't prepared to handle that. He wasn't sure he ever could be.
No promises, he reminded himself. It had gotten him this far.
Something splintered inside.
Steve must have seen something, Danny couldn't be sure what. All he knew was that Steve leaned in, closed those few inches and brushed a careful kiss over Danny's lips. It was sweet and cautious and clearly he was testing his welcome. When Danny opened his mouth under his, Steve let Danny's wrists go and framed his face in both hands.
Danny had wanted this man for so long, there was no denying that. Steve had caught his attention from the first when they'd faced off in his father's garage. Danny wanted to hate him—reckless and impulsive as Steve was—but there had been an instant attraction. He quickly realized it was mutual and that made it dangerous.
Steve stepped back from him, just far enough to undo and shuck the now soaked cargo pants, revealing his impressive erection. Danny reached, placed one hand on Steve's chest as Steve watched him. Everything was such a tangle of emotions, Danny not sure what to do next.
Steve closed the distance, tugging Danny against him with one hand on his hip, the other cupping his face. There was no fighting this, not now, not when he was this raw and undone. Burying his hands in Steve's hair, Danny pulled him into a no holds barred bruising kiss. It was rough and hot and desperate and for the moment, Danny didn't care. He just threw himself into it, wanting to forget everything else, needing to forget.
Still locked in the brutal kiss, Steve pushed him back against the wall. He ground his erection into Danny's hip as he palmed his cock in one hand. Danny broke the kiss with a curse, bucking into Steve's fist, hissing with the sensation that shot through his body like wildfire.
There'd been no one since the separation and divorce, no one and Danny felt strung tighter than a wire, ready to snap though Steve had barely touched him. He dragged his fingers down Steve's back, felt the muscles flex and bunch. Steve nipped along his jaw, trailed down Danny's neck to the base of his throat, sucking on the tender skin.
It wasn't enough. Steve was being too careful and Danny didn't want that.
"Don't play with me—" Danny gasped, pushing at Steve, making him look up, look at him.
"What do you want?" Steve leaned in for another kiss but Danny stopped him, pushed him back a step as he shook his head. "Danny—"
What was he supposed to say? I want it rough, I want it to hurt, I want you to hurt me. Because sooner or later you're going to… How was he supposed to explain it as Steve stared at him in confusion.
"Stop being so fucking careful! I want to feel it, okay?"
"Is that what you need? Is that what you want—me to hurt you?" As if to make sure he understood, Steve dug his fingers hard into Danny's hip as he held his gaze. The pain blossomed, bright and quick, Danny's breath catching.
"Fuck, yes!" The pain sang through him, made everything come into sharp focus like nothing else. It drove away everything else in his mind, instead making this just about the sex and nothing else. Danny could do this without dragging emotions into it.
He couldn't be sure what Steve saw, but for the time being he was willing to do this Danny's way. He looked like he wanted to say something but instead he pulled Danny into a wild kiss as he pinned him once again to the wall. It was hard and bruising, Steve biting his lip as he buried a hand in Danny's hair and pulled his head back. He dragged his teeth down Danny's throat, biting him hard this time at the base.
The sharp pain made him cry out Steve's name, grabbing his arms, fingers tight around the inked skin, digging into flexing muscle. Steve sucked and bit the same place, Danny knowing it would leave a mark and not caring. He wanted it and any more marks Steve would give him. When this was over, he wanted to be able to see it all blooming across his body.
Steve turned him, pulling Danny against him, biting him where neck met shoulder as he fisted Danny's cock in one hand and palmed a nipple in the other. He pinched, hard, Danny shaking with the sharp agony it caused. He groaned, pushing back against Steve, thrusting into the man's tight grip.
Everything pooled in his gut, liquid heat that spread outward, deep and aching. Steve nuzzled his neck, whispered in his ear as he dragged his fingers over the now sensitive nipple. "Is this what you want, what gets you off, huh, Danny?" The words burned across Danny's tangled thoughts, his body shaking with the effort to not come, not yet.
Steve ground his cock against Danny's ass, sliding slick and hard and hot into the crease as he continued to jack Danny's aching dick with a grip just tight enough to be painful but still somehow feel good. Steve nipped him sharply behind the ear, earning a full body shudder from Danny. "I could take you right here, do you want me to do that?" Steve grabbed Danny's hip, the same one he'd bruised earlier and again dug his fingers in. "Do you want me to fuck you, Danno, right here, up against the wall?"
That was the one thing that wasn't on Danny's agenda and he shook his head, struggling to find his voice. That was a game changer, bringing it to the next level and that was something Danny couldn't handle. It wasn't that he didn't want Steve, want him buried so deep inside him, but that, at least to Danny, took it from no strings attached sex to something else entirely.
"No!" Danny sucked in a ragged breath, shaking his head. "No, that's not what I want, Steve! No!"
Steve stopped everything, just stilled as he held Danny against him, both of them panting, Danny still shaking.
Danny pulled away from Steve, shuddering, stumbling, vision blurring around the edges.
"Hey, Danny, wait—"
"Don't!" Danny raised his hand in a clear warning to Steve. "Just don't!"
"Man, Danny, I'm sorry, okay?"
There was nothing but reproach and devastation in the other man's eyes when Danny finally looked at him.
"I need to go." Danny stumbled out of the shower, dripping wet, looking for his clothes. There was a roar in his ears, his chest tight, his heart pounding so hard he was sure the neighbors could hear it.
Steve was behind him, a towel wrapped around his hips.
Where were his things? Why couldn't he remember where he put his clothes? "Fucking Christ, where are my clothes?"
"They were covered in blood, remember?" Steve kept his distance from him, his eyes wide with hurt and confusion. "I left a pair of sweats and a shirt out for you on the guest bed. The rest of your stuff is on the dining room table.
He followed Danny to the guest bedroom. "My God, Danny—I'm sorry, this isn't what I wanted—"
"It wasn't what I wanted either, but that didn't seem to matter back in that shower!" He yanked on the sweats, ignoring the fact they were way too big.
"Would you just listen for a minute, I'm not gonna stop you from going, but we need to talk about this!"
"No, we don't, McGarrett!" The T-shirt was a marginally better fit. He raked his wet hair out of his face and stomped out of the room, Steve wisely staying out of his way.
He found his wallet, cell phone, car keys, badge and gun still holstered, even his belt on the table. He pocketed what he could and snagged the rest, heading for the door. He kept a pair of ratty sneakers in the trunk he could wear for the time being.
Steve said nothing, just watched him. Danny didn't even have to look at him, he could feel the other man's misery. It didn't make Danny proud as he hesitated at the door after pulling it open.
"Just let it go, it was my fault it got as far as it did."
"My God, Danny, you have no idea how sorry I am."
"Forget it, okay? Just forget it. No one made any promises here, let's leave it at that. Please."